Panic Waiting Patiently

The Nile River at Sunset:
Sometimes I forget how often I cross one of the largest and most historical rivers in the world...

How do you just miss one thing? It is such a frequent question. Even I admit to asking that very question to persons when they are leaving something that has been especially dear to them. Does that very level of question limit our thinking for any specific reason? I have trouble focusing my attention on one specific aspect. Is it wrong simply to lump life altogether and say that I will miss that? Though excitement and new experiences are there on the horizon and I am striving for them, this land, this food, these people, these conversations, this laughter, this sorrow, these sunsets, these long dusty walks—this life—to me is just one thing. One very big thing to miss. One very big thing to remember. One very big thing to one day live again?

In less than 5 weeks I will take my first steps on to that plane at Entebbe International Airport and in my hand I will be holding that infamous 'one way ticket.' Though I have returned to Oregon twice over the course of the past 40 months, none of those times could have prepared me for these next steps. Both of those times I had with me a date and time for my return home to Uganda. I had throughout those holidays thoughts in my mind of the work to be done, of the people to see, of obligations to be fulfilled.

Someone mentioned to me that maybe 'panic' is just waiting patiently in a room. Maybe that is so. Actually, most likely that is so. So in the famous words of Jean -Luc Picard, 'Make it so'. Bring on the panic, bring on the fear, bring out the confusion of what comes next. Though fear raptures the mind like a blitzkrieg sometimes the excitement of the unknown and a new challenge is enough to wage war and to come out the victor.

Tomorrow I will wake up with one less day in Uganda—when looking in the mirror that is simply one day closer to a black hole of endless possibilities.